Are We Building a Life, or Just Trying to Escape This One?

There is something about being young in this generation that makes you feel like you are constantly running out of time.

Someone you went to school with just got married. Another person has bought a house. Someone else is announcing a new job, a promotion, a business that is doing incredibly well, or a visa approval that has taken them one step closer to the life they have always wanted. You open your phone to check one thing, and before you know it, you have seen enough evidence to convince yourself that everybody is moving forward except you.

And somehow, even when you were perfectly fine five minutes ago, you begin to wonder if you are doing enough with your life.

I think we underestimate how exhausting it is to live in a world where everybody’s progress is constantly on display. We don’t just live our lives anymore; we watch other people live theirs, compare notes, calculate timelines and quietly panic when our own stories don’t seem to be moving at the same speed.

For some of us, the pressure has become a kind of background noise. We hear it when we wake up, when we check our bank accounts, when we apply for jobs, when we think about the future, and especially when somebody asks that innocent but somehow irritating question: “So, what’s the next plan?”

As if we haven’t been thinking about it ourselves.

Maybe your next plan is to leave the country. Maybe it is to find a better job, earn more money, return to school, start that business, or finally move out of your parents’ house. Maybe you have a plan you haven’t told anybody about because you are still trying to figure out how to make it happen.

And maybe, just maybe, you are tired.

Not because you lack ambition. Not because you don’t want a better life. But because wanting a better life and constantly feeling dissatisfied with the one you currently have are two very different things.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to relocate. There is nothing wrong with wanting more money, better opportunities, a safer environment or a chance to experience life somewhere else. Sometimes, leaving is a perfectly reasonable decision. Sometimes, staying and building where you are is the right decision. Neither choice automatically makes you braver, smarter or more successful than the other.

But I have been thinking about something: when we imagine the life we want, how much of it is actually ours, and how much of it have we borrowed from watching other people?

Do we want that particular job because it aligns with who we are, or because we are tired of feeling unsuccessful? Do we want to move abroad because we have thought carefully about the life we hope to build there, or because everybody around us seems to be leaving? Do we want that achievement because it matters to us, or because we want to finally have something impressive enough to silence the people who have made us feel like we are not doing enough?

These questions are uncomfortable because the answers are not always straightforward. Sometimes, our dreams are genuine, but the pressure surrounding them has become so loud that we can no longer hear ourselves think.

And sometimes, we are so busy trying to escape a life that disappoints us that we forget to ask what we actually want our lives to look like when we finally get away.

We imagine the relief of finally being able to say, “I’ve made it.”

But what happens after that?

What happens when the excitement settles, the bills arrive, the loneliness catches up with you, or you discover that the life you worked so hard to reach still requires you to get up every morning and figure things out?

I am not saying this to discourage anybody from dreaming. Please, dream. Apply for the job. Submit the application. Save the money. Learn the skill. Book the flight when you can. Make the move if it is right for you. There is a whole world beyond the circumstances you were born into, and you are allowed to want a piece of it.

I only hope that, somewhere in the middle of all that striving, we remember to build a life we actually want to live.

A life that makes sense to us, even when nobody is watching. A life in which our worth does not rise and fall with our latest achievement. A life that leaves room for ordinary happiness, for friendships that are not competitions, for rest that does not feel like laziness, and for days when nothing particularly impressive happens but we are still grateful to be here.

Because perhaps success is not only about getting somewhere. Perhaps it is also about knowing why you wanted to go there in the first place.

And if you are still figuring it out, I hope you will give yourself a little grace. You do not need to have your entire life mapped out before you are allowed to enjoy the part you are currently living. 

So, before you rush into the next thing, perhaps ask yourself one small question: Am I moving towards a life I genuinely want, or am I just trying to get far away from the life I have now?

There is no shame in either answer. Sometimes, we need to escape difficult circumstances before we can begin to build. Sometimes, we need to pause long enough to discover that we have been chasing a destination without deciding what we want to find there.

Wherever you are in your journey, I hope you find both the courage to pursue something better and the peace to recognise the good that exists along the way.

And if you are comfortable sharing, I would love to know: what does a good life look like to you when you take away the pressure to impress anybody?

Let’s talk.