“Guy, hold yourself.”
“Men don’t cry.”
“You be man, act like one.”
“Shebi you’re the head of the family?”
From street corners to boardrooms, from pulpits to playgrounds… These are the scripts men are handed.
Scripts soaked in silence.
Written in unspoken pain.
Held together by the pressure to be strong… always.
But here’s the question:
If Jesus, the Son of God, wept openly, why can’t men?
Let’s Talk About It
We live in a society that gives men muscles and money but denies them emotion.
In Nigeria especially, mental health is seen as an “oyinbo problem.”
Therapy? That’s for rich people in America.
Crying? That’s for women.
Depression? You just need to “man up.”
And so, boys grow into men who learn to bury their pain in silence.
They’re told to provide, protect, perform…
But never pause, process, or feel.
The Pressure Cooker
Let’s be honest:
Society expects a lot from men:
- Be the provider, even when you’re barely surviving.
- Be the protector, even when you feel afraid.
- Be the backbone, even when your soul feels like it’s breaking.
- Be emotionally stable, but don’t show too much emotion.
- Hit the gym. Hustle. Lead. Succeed.
And whatever you do, don’t cry.
But here’s the truth:
Strength isn’t the absence of emotion.
It’s the courage to face it.
Even Jesus Cried
“Jesus wept.” – John 11:35
Two words.
The shortest verse in the Bible.
And yet, perhaps one of the most powerful.
Jesus — the Messiah, the miracle-worker, the Lion of Judah — stood at Lazarus’ tomb and cried.
He didn’t pretend to be okay.
He didn’t say, “Men don’t cry.”
He wept. In public. Without shame.
So again, we ask:
If Jesus could cry, why can’t you?
Your Mental Health Matters
Men, hear this clearly:
- You are not weak for feeling.
- You are not soft for needing help.
- You are not any less “man” for saying, “I’m not okay.”
You don’t always have to carry the world on your shoulders.
You don’t always have to be the fixer.
You don’t always have to be strong.
Sometimes, the strongest thing you can do is say, “I need help.”
Talk to Someone
Therapy is not shameful.
Talking to a friend, mentor, or coach doesn’t make you less of a man.
Ignoring your mental health does.
If your car breaks down, you take it to a mechanic.
If your body breaks down, you go to the hospital.
But when your mind is struggling, you’re told to “shake it off”?
That mindset is killing men. Silently. Daily.
Please, talk to someone.
Go for therapy.
Open up to your wife, your brother, your pastor, your trusted friend.
Healing Is Holy
God cares about the whole of you — spirit, soul, and body.
Your mind matters to Him.
Your pain matters to Him.
Your healing matters to Him.
Jesus didn’t just heal the sick physically, He restored the brokenhearted.
So let Him in.
Cry if you need to.
Rest if you need to.
Break down if you must… as long as you remember that God is in the business of building men back up.
Strong Doesn’t Mean Silent
This post is not saying throw away responsibility.
It’s saying: don’t lose yourself under the weight of responsibility.
You can be strong and soft.
You can lead and cry.
You can hustle and heal.
Because in the end, your mind matters too.
So brother, breathe.
We see you.
We value you.
And yes… it’s okay to cry.
Let’s break the Tradition!
Masculinity shouldn’t mean suppressing emotions. Men, it’s okay to feel and express, you’re human too.
Share your emotions without fear, and let’s create a space for vulnerability and understanding.
Silence isn’t strength.
It’s time to redefine what it means to be a man.
Norma, well done for sharing this. I hope it reaches your audience for which you write.
I’ve been there alot of times bottling things up, trying to be strong when inside I was breaking. means a lot to know and see Norma speak to our reality as men in her piece. Thank you for putting words to what many of us feel but struggle to say.